Look, Mom, the safety instructions are written in haiku. Homer! What?! The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. Besides, if we want to see Japanese people we could have gone to the zoo. Oh, so Flanders thinks he can steal our vacation, huh? Come on! (SCREAMS) Sayonara, suckers! (GROANS) Yay! The Simpsons are going to Japan! GONG STRIKES Hey, watch the gong, jerk. Looks like the Flanderses are going to get those seats anyway.
Jamaica! I want to pass the doochie on the left-hand side. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure and has four available mega-saver seats.
Hawaii, here we come! No, no, we're going to Paris. You fat cats didn't finish your plankton. Are you going through our garbage? That's right. Then you can buy their seats for a fraction of the price. Just go to the airport and wait for some no-shows. Chuck Garabedian says you can fly mega-cheap if you don't care where you go. I don't think there's enough here for a vacation. (GRUNTS) Homer, you could've just unscrewed the bottom. (SLOBBERS) Well, let's see what's in the old vacation fund. (SLOBBERS) This also says it can cause red-tide poisoning. Sure, by THEIR standards, but we live in America. 'Mexican Council of Food' this expired two years ago. (GRUNTS) Blue! Wow, this plankton's only 33 cents. How about here? Not if we want that vacation. we're going to do our grocery shopping at a 99-cents store? Well, maybe for your wedding. Hey, I squeezed so hard, it went into my hand. ALL: Squeeze every penny! Squeeze every penny! I'm squeezing. PEOPLE MURMUR DISGUSTEDLY The point is you got to squeeze every penny. PEOPLE GASP AND MURMUR And those beautiful women? They used to be men. PEOPLE MURMUR That fancy yacht? A bargain, 'cause it smells like cat pee. You see this tux? I got it cheap, 'cause Roy Cohn died in it. Let's start with mega-secret number one- you got to squeeze every penny. (CHUCKLES) Uh-oh, I'm late for the shortline railroad. Well, what do you expect? These yokels are pure Baltic Avenue. PEOPLE CHEER Oh, here we go with the fat-cat bashing. Then, I'll show you the three ways to get back to the highway including one shortcut those Wall-Street fat cats don't want you to know. Well, stick around, 'cause I'm going to tell you the 12 savings secrets Wall Street won't tell you. Are you tired of missing out on the good things in life- family vacations, jet packs, Solid Gold dancers? There's only three left in the world. I think you'll find living thrifty a lot more satisfying than stealing. We've already got tickets for his next seminar.
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He taught us how to live a Burt Reynolds lifestyle on a Mac Davis income. We got that tip at the Chuck Garabedian mega-savings seminar. Well, if you're not rich then how come you have a new refrigerator an electric can opener, a milkshake machine? (LAUGHS) We picked those up cheap. We give to eight different churches just to hedge our bets and the Leftorium's business has gone way downhill since Leftopolis moved in next door. It's just that you and Maude live like royalty in your fancy castle while I got Marge trapped over there like a pig in a mud beehive. Now, Homer, we can't have you burglarising us every time you got a bill to pay. I'll get us some money even if I have to get a second job. Now we're going to have to start all over again. We were saving that money for our family vacation. (DISCOURAGED MOAN) MARGE: We were robbed? You seem to know an awful lot about this for an INNOCENT person. See? Even after all my cybersquandering we've still got $1,200. Dad, that's Fox! (SCREAMS) Undo! Undo! (SIGHS) Dad, do we have ANY money left? Well, let's check the old bank account. I invested in something called 'News Corp'. I'm betting on Jai-Alai in the Cayman Islands. I'm 45, heavy and willing to settle for less.' Wow, this Mary's got the whole package. Huh? Oh, that's Willie! 'My name is Mary. HORN HONKS Come on, Lisa! Monkeys! (GROANS) Ah, let's see what's been captured on the UP-KILT camera. Bart, the Internet is more than a global pornography network. 'The Internet'? Is that thing still around? I know a website that shows monkeys doing it. Will you take me, Dad? Please? I'll show you how to order pizza over the Internet. Hey, look, there's a cybercafe opening right here in Springfield. Why, there's no magazine called Weird, is there? This is Wired. 'Gigabytes.' (LAUGHS) They've done it again. 1 1 BELL RINGS (PLAYS BLUES) (HONKS HORN) (SCREAMS) Hey, why didn't you tell me the new issue of Weird was here? (CHUCKLES) I love their hilarious send-ups of hit movies.
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